Baby Got Back Recovery

The Art of Being Blue

May 10, 2019

*Trigger warning- references to suicide


Siona, a member of the Blog Squad, lives with Borderline Personality Disorder. She's an artist, educator and mental health advocate. When she was 24, she wrote "The Art of Being Blue". Here's her the song, and the story behind it:


The Art of Being Blue 


I remember sitting on the floor in my mom’s kitchen a few summers ago, needing a song. I needed something to comfort the spinning thoughts in my head that felt like a 16 year long roller coaster.


Back then I struggled so much trying to articulate what having Borderline Personality Disorder felt like. I tried to explain with questionnaires, workbooks, therapy notes, and endless other things. But music was my solution.


So I sat there on my mom’s kitchen floor, held my guitar, and sang the truth. The struggle of wanting to be alive and wanting to end it all at the same time. The black and white, and the impossibility of living in the grey.


I needed to embrace my blue without going dark.


I needed to be blunt with my lyrics and admit how much it sucks to feel too much and not enough. But in all that blue, I’m still gold. And without the blue, I wouldn’t be gold at all. The song guided my lyrics, and in the end I realized that I did not have shame over my struggles. It was what it was. And I love who I am.

Listen to the song on Sound Cloud.




You look at me like a roller coaster 

That you’re not tall enough to ride

Or like a pot that’s about to boil over 

And you’ve got nowhere to hide 


You see if feel everything down to my core 

And when you think it’s over there’s always more 

But I don’t want to apologize 

For the thing that makes me feel alive 


The art of being blue means forgiving what I used to be

While crying in front of you with all this pain that still feels new to me

And wanting to die while wanting to grow old 

Knowing in all that blue I’m still gold 


I know I can come in like a tornado 

And leave everything in a mess 

But I can pour myself into loving you 

In a world that’s given you less

But I know I can suddenly fall apart 

And confuse and overwhelm your heart

But if you’re willing to stand in the dark 

I promise to show you the worlds brightest stars 




And I know in those times that I felt black 

People chose to leave and never look back 

And so I had to let them go 

God I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not enough 

Or just as bad feeling like I’m too much 

But I know sometimes I get in my own way 

From showing you of course you should stay 

You should stay 




I know that with all my blue you’re worried I may fall 

But without my blue I don’t think I’d be gold at all


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About Me.

My name is Meg McCabe and I'm and Eating Disorder Recovery Coach. Thank you for stopping by. Please stay in touch!

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I am an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach who help peoples heal their relationship with food, their body and themselves.

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Baby Got Back Recovery

Meg McCabe

Denver, CO